It’s hard to trust the EMDR process. What do I do now?
Whether you’re navigating anxiety, depression, or overcoming past traumas, we’re here to provide a safe space for growth and healing. Our evidence based approaches blend therapy, mindfulness, and holistic practices to nurture your well-being. We can help you take the next step.
Janay Langford is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and is the owner of Desert Sage Counseling in St. George, Utah. She specializes in Trauma using an Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) therapeutic approach. She also assists clients in navigating life transitions, grief and loss, stress management, relationship issues, anger management, PTSD, C-PTSD, ADHD, Postpartum and Perinatal Trauma.
I am having a hard time trusting this EMDR thing is working for me. What now?
If you’re in EMDR therapy long enough, it’s almost inevitable: you start wondering whether it’s actually working. Not in a vague, inspirational way—but in a concrete, clinical way. You want to know what progress looks like for you, not just in theory.
And yet, asking your therapist can feel awkward. You might worry it sounds like you’re doubting them, being impatient, or “doing therapy wrong.” The truth is, asking this question isn’t a red flag—it’s a sign of engagement, self-awareness, and collaboration.
Here’s how to ask your therapist for clinical signs that EMDR is working for you, and why it’s not only okay, but important.
Why this question matters
EMDR progress can be subtle, nonlinear, and deeply internal. Unlike therapies that rely heavily on insight or behavior change alone, EMDR works through the nervous system and memory networks. That means you might be changing in real ways before you feel better.
A trained EMDR therapist is tracking things you may not be—patterns across sessions, shifts in affect, changes in belief ratings, and your capacity to stay present. Asking them to name those signs helps you understand your own healing process and builds trust in the work you’re doing together.
Reframe the ask: this is collaboration, not evaluation
Before you bring it up, it helps to shift the internal narrative from “I’m questioning whether this is working” to “I want to understand how progress shows up for me clinically.”
Therapy works best when it’s collaborative. Your therapist isn’t grading you, and you’re not auditing them. You’re both observing the same system—your nervous system—from different angles.
Name your uncertainty honestly
You don’t need to have perfect language or confidence to ask this. In fact, naming your uncertainty often opens the door to a deeper conversation.
You might say:
“I’m noticing changes, but I’m not sure how to tell if EMDR is working in a clinical sense.”
“Because EMDR feels so different from talk therapy, I’m not always sure what progress should look like for me.”
“I trust the process, but I’d really like help understanding the signs you look for.”
This frames the question as curiosity, not criticism.
Ask specifically for clinical markers
If you’re looking for more than reassurance, be direct about that. Therapists are trained to think clinically, but they don’t always know when clients want that level of transparency unless they’re asked.
You can say:
“Can you share what clinical signs you’re seeing that suggest EMDR is working for me?”
“What changes are you tracking that I might not notice yet?”
“Are there markers you use to know when a target is processing versus stuck?”
This invites your therapist to explain their professional observations—things like reduced distress ratings, faster reprocessing, changes in negative cognition strength, or increased emotional regulation.
Ask how your progress compares to expectations—not other people
It’s okay to wonder whether your pace is “normal,” but framing matters. Instead of comparing yourself to others, ask about expectations for the work itself.
Try:
“Based on my history and nervous system, does my progress look on track?”
“Is the way I’m responding to EMDR consistent with what you’d expect clinically?”
“Are there signs that suggest we should adjust pacing, targets, or preparation?”
This keeps the focus on fit and effectiveness, not performance.
Invite feedback about readiness and resourcing
Sometimes EMDR feels like it’s “not working” when the issue is actually about readiness, resourcing, or stabilization—not failure.
You can ask:
“Do you see signs that I’m adequately resourced for this phase of EMDR?”
“Are there indicators that we need to strengthen regulation skills before continuing?”
“What tells you that my system can handle this work right now?”
These questions show self-advocacy and awareness, not resistance.
Let the conversation be ongoing
This doesn’t have to be a one-time check-in. Healing changes, and so do the markers of progress.
You might say:
“Would it be okay if we check in on clinical signs of progress periodically?”
“As we continue, can you help me learn how to recognize these signs myself?”
Over time, many clients develop their own internal sense of when processing is happening. Your therapist can help you build that literacy.
You’re allowed to understand your own healing
Asking your therapist for clinical signs that EMDR is working isn’t about needing proof. It’s about wanting clarity, agency, and partnership in your care.
You deserve to know how your progress is being measured, what your therapist is observing, and how your nervous system is changing over time. Therapy isn’t something that happens to you—it’s something you’re actively participating in.
And asking informed, thoughtful questions? That’s part of the work.
